I am very afraid because…

… I believe I am slowly learning the strongest and fullest type of love, that is, consummate love. How I wish it could always be wex equals love.

Because if it is wex, I know I can always find someone (even several or group sometimes) anytime, anywhere, that can do it with me. But if it is that love, I know it will take me another lifetime to find that true one.

I am so scared, petrified, afraid, and frightened (insert all the thesaurus items here) because I know and I believe I am slowly learning how to put passion, intimacy, and commitment together.
I know You don’t do it usually, but Dear Lord, I’m dying to keep that definition of love as wex.

***
Here are some definitions from my Social Psych class (one of the best lessons in college).

Passion – physical and sexual attraction to another; romantic love is passionate love
Intimacy – emotional feelings of warmth, closeness, and sharing in a relationship
Commitment – cognitive appraisal of the relationship and our intent to maintain the relationship even in the face of problems

How I live my life well

As J-Lo sings it: my life I live it to the limit and I love it. Here are some quotes gathered from various sources (forwarded email, chain text messages, personal and vicarious realizations, etc) that have left a dent on me and serve as my guiding principles in living la dolce vita.


-What is denied becomes strongly desired. That’s why I succumb even to my most carnal and mundane cravings.


-Don’t make someone your priority when you’re just his/her option. That’s why I don’t invest too much emotion in people whom I know cannot reciprocate what I can offer.


-Envy is a waste of time. You have everything you need. That’s why I divert my attention and energy to more productive activities.


-Life is too short to be good at all times; sin a little. That’s why I’m mean sometimes. I also get even.


-Music is cathartic. So does writing. That’s why I sing. That’s why I blog. Even if nobody listens, even if nobody reads.


-Chocolate is love… is heaven… is nirvana… is euphoria… is Mecca... is orgasm. That’s why I always eat or drink at least one choco-based product daily. This chocolate intake has been ingrained in me that I do it unconsciously already.


-And the greatest lesson from everdearest Leana who’s into (not-so-)healthy lifestyle: I don’t intend to live long. That’s why I do everything all at the same time. It’s not that I rush but I’m just seizing every moment, living like I’m dying, maximizing every minute and hour.

My 2009 Last Song Syndrome (LSS) =)

These are the top ten songs that made me a broken record for days and weeks and months. Included are the lines that reverberated in my mind and soul and heart and totality a gazillion times.


10. Party in the U.S.A. - Miley Cyrus




And the Britney song was on
And the Britney song was on
And the Britney song was on

9. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) – Pitbull


Uno-do'-tres-cuatro
I know you want me (want me)
you know I want cha (want cha)
I know you want me


8. No Boundaries - Kris Allen


Seconds, hours, so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait?
Every moment lasts forever
When you feel you lost your way


7. Sabay-Sabay Tayo – Marian Rivera


Hindi nila alam gabi-gabi ako sa disco
Kasama ang barkada gusto rin nila matuto
Heto na kami mapa-ballroom mapa-hiphop


6. Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny) - Pussycat Dolls


(Jai Ho) You are the reason that I still believe,
(Jai Ho) You are my destiny (my destiny),
Jai Ho! Oh-oh-oh-oh!


5. Waking Up in Vegas – Katy Perry


Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That`s what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now
That`s what you get for waking up in Vegas


4. Halo – Beyonce


I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
Woah...

3. Bad Romance - Lady GaGa


Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Mum-mum-mum-mum-mah!
Gaga-oo-la-la!
Want your bad romance


I want your loving
And i want your revenge
You and me put on a bad romance
I want your loving
All your love is revenge
You and me put on a bad romance


2. Battlefield - Jordin Sparks


I never meant to start a war
You know, I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know we're fighting for
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield
Why does love always feel like


1. I Don’t Care – 2NE1




Hey playboy
It's about time
And your time's up
I had to do this one for my girls you know
Sometimes you gotta act like you don't care
That's the only way you boys learn
I don't care geumanhallae niga eodieseo mwol hadeon
Ije jeongmal sanggwan anhalge bikyeojulla
Ijewa ulgobulgo maedallijima
Cause I don't care e-e-e-e-e
I don't care e-e-e-e-e

Argh!

I am having some difficulty cross-posting from my Facebook and Multiply accounts to here. I tried to copy-and-paste but it didn't work either. Anyhow, just visit http://azureangelo.multiply.com or my Facebook: azureangelo@yahoo.com.

Thanks! =)

I finally have a Facebook account!

After months of peer pressuring, prodding, bargaining, convincing and hard-sell whatnots, I finally reactivated my FB account. I had it before but deactivated it immediately because I felt like I wasn't prepared yet emotionally and socially. Besides, I might not have the luxury of time to customize another online (sometimes pretentious) social networking site. But because I want to heed the need of my dear friends (and not-so-friends), I am here at Facebook.

I also standardized my email account for all the sites I have to date: azureangelo@yahoo.com. I use this address for Blogger (http://azureangelo.blogspot.com, my very first online crib), Multiply (http://azureangelo.multiply.com), Friendster (www.friendster.com/azureangelo), and now, Facebook. I also cross-post so bear with me if you have to see the same pictures or read the same blog/rant all over again. =)

Mr Kabab, can't get enough

For two mornings in a row, Caryl and I have been frequenting Mr Kabab, not the one near our office, but the West Ave branch. Define effort and craving. We needed to redeem ourselves from the shawarma plate and baryani we ordered on our first day, which were so-so. So rainy Saturday morning, we ate again with Ate Tin, this time the beef special chelo kabab. Yum-yum!

My sem's over

Yes, sembreak for me! Took my finals for my Management course in UP Diliman, whole Saturday. I had to take a leave on Friday to study supposedly. But I ended up studying my Spanish lessons instead, watching TV, and surfing the net. I knew that it would be an essay-type exam so I just remembered the main points.

Then the exams came next day. I had two for this six-unit sem. Three hours for each subject. I was at Palma Hall 320. I remember that this was my Sociology 10 room, circa UP 2nd year. I so miss college -- the main library, the classmates from different colleges, the break-less sem, the orgs, the flings, and the almost-daily SM North escapades after class.

Anyhow, back to my exams. Essay kung essay. My fingers were already hurting that my handwriting was already an amalgam of cursive and print. My-Gel wasn't cooperating either. It almost wouldn't write. Had to put all the little knowledge that I had because three essay questions were equivalent to 100 points. Let's see how I'll fare.

Then I went to SM Megamall to do a little shopping (as in little only, I only bought an item) and to catch 'In My Life,' upon the prodding of my companion. The movie was great that I texted my dear Circle of Friends/COF to say that the movie would really give one a roller coaster of emotion. As one newspaper article puts it, the movie is 'daring without baring.' John Lloyd almost devoured Ate Vi.

When you're late...

One Friday, traffic in Commonwealth was horrendous because of the drizzling and people's visiting to the wake of Mr Manalo. Not to mention the traffic here at Balintawak because of the LRT extension project. I logged in 30 minutes past my schedule. Since I knew I'd be late, I chose to do all my routines in the not usually-fast way (cleaning my water container, reserving food at the pantry, freshening up). Then 30 minutes after, I went out to withdraw money. An idea popped up! Let's Timezone ourselves. Lesson: Life is too short to be good at all times; sin a little. =)

I was FEU's lucky charm!

It's my very first time to watch UAAP Cheerdance and was clad in yellow, cheered with the gold and green crowd, and chanted 'Let's Go, Tamaraws' instead of the very true 'matatapang, matatalino.' My beloved UP was on the opposite side. Got my ticket from a collague who's an FEU alumnus so I had no choice. The show was great; routines of winners FEU and ADMU were clean but UP is always the one to beat in introducing new stunts/steps. I also liked the kachosan of UST in the end, very festive.

Then watched Kimmy Dora at Gateway. I was hesitant to watch it because most of my friends have seen the movie already. I must say that lead actress Eugene Domingo was very funny, story was not-so-new for me since the plot has been played already by telenovela Impostora and the Judy Ann-starrer Mag-ingat ka sa Kulam.

Of Maxicare and circumcision

It was my very first time to use my Maxicare card after nearly 21 months of possessing it. It all started with that simple sore throat, which I knew I got from eating tons of chocolates and, what else, singing. Though I'd like to stress that I get my vocal prowess mainly from my diaphragm. Haha...

Since I didn't have to do anything on Tuesday, I decided to go to Manila Doctors. The whole procedure of using the card was fast; it was the waiting for the ENT specialist that made me wait until eternity. So the usual check up. The doctor told me that my tonsil's quite big but it's negative for anything negative. What he noticed though was cerumen in my ear. So he advised me to be back today, Friday, for the suctioning. I had to put baby oil first to soften/liquefy the thingy.

While patiently waiting for the doctor (again), I noticed the tarps on the wall strongly averring that circumcision is no longer needed and eating santol seeds is deadly. The latter I kinda know already but I was a bit amazed with the former. I am no medical guru (and I will never be one). I know that there's nothing really wrong with being uncircumcised (Australians, for one, don't get that) but those PEHM lessons kept coming back to me at that time as it always stressed that it's hygienic to be circumcised. La lang, I was just amazed.